E-Tips

I Will Be Heard

Fifteen years ago, it was rare to read about school violence involving guns. Today, stories of some kid going berserk and shooting teachers and other students are commonplace. A few years ago, computer viruses were a rare phenomenon. Now, almost daily, we hear of yet another virus that threatens to at least corrupt our hard drive if not bring down the New York Stock Exchange or the Pentagon.

Lack of Communication Skills

At the heart of these events is social isolation. Whether it is gun violence or hacker attacks, the follow up stories are so predictable. The hacker is always some really smart geeky kid with few social skills working from his room in the basement. The gun violence kids are always "loners." Neighbors tell the police and the media, "He was a quiet boy. Stayed pretty much to himself. Didn't seem to have any friends."

To understand what is going on here, perhaps we should go back to high school. Remember the rigid social hierarchy? Remember the popular kids (now is sales and marketing)? Remember the brains(now in R&D)? Remember the shop guys(now in manufacturing)? Any pain associated with all that? For many people, high school was a blast. For others, it was pure hell.

I Will Be Heard!

For many who don't do well in this environment, the pain begins to fester like a giant sore. Add to this the lack of social skills and intense loneliness, and we can get a dangerous combination. The cry seems to be, "I will be heard." The pain of being anonymous mixed with feeling like a social leper can be too much for some to bear. In its most benign form, the tagger gets a can of spray paint and defaces buildings, then brags to his buddies about his art work. He seems to be saying, "Give me my 15 minutes of fame, now!"

Hackers, too, are saying, "I will be heard!" They may use their technical skills to bring down segments of the internet like the denial-of-service attacks that closed down Yahoo!, EBay, and CNN among others. Or perhaps they launch viruses like "The Love Bug" that crippled so many PCs recently and caused an estimated $7 billion in damage worldwide.

Sometimes the pain and isolation can cause people to turn violent. We just passed the one year anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy. The two killers actually sought out the athletes and the popular kids as targets. Much of the torment they felt was dished out by these groups. Their rage was very focused.

There have been a number of movies that address this topic. For example, "Carrie" portrayed a misfit with supernatural powers who reined down terror on her high school tormentors. A softer approach is portrayed in "Romey and Michelle's High School Reunion." Here the two misfits go to their reunion and learn to accept themselves for who they are and in the process become the stars of the reunion. The popular kids were portrayed as hypocrites, drunkards and buffoons. In real life, however, it doesn't work that way.

We Hear You!

Our team recently did some speech coaching with a Bay Area psychologist named David Fenstermaker, who was preparing a presentation about school violence for a California Psychological Association meeting. His research has uncovered stories of what life is like for kids who don't fit in. Here, for example, is a quote from Slashdot, a self-proclaimed geek web page: "I was much like those kids (at Columbine) when I was in school: weird, cast out, not much liked, alienated, all that sort of thing. I used to imagine bringing weaponry to school and making the people who made my life miserable beg for mercy."

David's contention is that this pain and loneliness builds up like a pressure cooker until it explodes in violence. Sometimes the violence is homicide, sometimes it is suicide, and sometimes it is channeled as nonviolent, though very destructive, hacker attacks. David then suggests ways we can curb school violence. There are, of course metal detectors and beefed up security in schools. While all of this can help, he believes that communication interventions are even more important.

First of all, we must pay attention to the warning signs. David suggests that the parents, teachers, and friends of potential offenders take threats seriously and take action. The Columbine school killers had been arrested, had produced graphic, violent videos, and had written essays depicting what they planned to do. Several of the victim's families have filed law suits against the sheriffs department for ignoring these warnings.

Communication Bridges

Secondly, David notes that Columbine and other schools have developed mentor and "open door" programs designed to reach out to open up communication. He also sites a peer counseling program in Santa Clara county being run by Dr. Sharon Woods. The purpose here is to allow kids to ventilate some of their pain and to create more constructive ways of dealing with it.

As our daily lives are more dependent upon the internet, we become more vulnerable to viruses and hacker attacks. While the human tragedy may be far less than in the case of school violence, the disruption and cost can be staggering. The question is, then, are there ways we can communicate better with those among us who feel isolated and left out? Can we create the bridges that respond to the cry "I will be heard!" Are we listening?

Our very future may depend on it.